I’ve got a lot of anger about the situation, what happened, and how things ended, but this is destructive energy that won’t help anything. I’m trying to find ways to deal with it, while still being constructive. To this end, I have an appointment with a counselor this afternoon. Hopefully, he’ll give me some suggestions on how this can be done. I’ve been keeping most of it in when talking with Lis. This has mostly worked, but every-so-often, something snarky and hurtful slips out. Lis is pretty good at taking it, but it does build up and it does hurt her.

Last night, after an especially nasty spat, we were able to collect ourselves and talk about where we go from here. Neither of us — right now, at least — feels especially pressed to leave. We’re still comfortable around each other, though we need to work out comfortable levels of modesty, touchiness, and personal space. We think that, for the time being, Lis will continue to live with us. She’ll take care of Grace through the summer, continuing to be a stay-at-home-mom. Next month, when G starts her final year of pre-school, Lis will look for a full-time job. Luckily, it looks like my job might allow for a certain level of work-at-home time. I need to talk this over with my boss, but I might be able to take her to school, pick her up, and bring her to daycare while Lis is at work. From daycare, I’ll continue into the office. Lis will pick G up when she’s done with work and bring her home. The money Lis earns will go towards daycare and savings. Unless her new job has outstanding healthcare, she’ll remain on mine for the meantime and I’ll continue to share my finances.

Eventually, Lis will have to move out, as the state of Virginia requires that couples with children must live apart for 12 months before a divorce can be issued. Hopefully, Lis will have enough time to save up enough money for a nice place with plenty of room for both her and Grace. The good news — to me — is that as of at least right now, this room for Grace will be for visits. I’ll have physical custody. We’ll share legal custody. We want to try to arrange things where Lis can have an active role in G’s everyday life, but still have her live primarily with me. For the time being, G and I will continue to live in our house, but I think we’ll eventually want to sell it. (Too many memories of dreams of a now-different future, yadda yadda…)

We’ve discussed the possibility of Grace and me moving out of state, probably to be closer to my family in Arizona. This will probably require a lot of planning as neither of us want to be part-time parents. If we do move, we’ll need to find a way for Lis to regularly — at least twice a month, hopefully — be with Gracie. Either Lis comes to us or, as G gets older, she goes to Lis. I can also see G going out to be with Lis for a month or so around the time her family has their annual trip to North Carolina. We’re also a bit concerned about the Arizona school system compared to the Virginia one. While the disparity isn’t as large as we thought, Arizona’s is still the lesser of the two. Regardless, all of this needs to be researched more as it could have a profound impact on G if done wrong.

Well, OK, most of this could have a profound impact on G if done wrong. Sadly, I’m told it has to be done, but if we can work together, we can try to minimize the chances of that happening.

Technorati Tags: divorce, the beginning, sad, separation, the end

Technorati Tags: go diego go, television

http://diveintomark.org/archives/2006/12/07/rest-for-toddlers

Technorati Tags: funny, geeky, humor

Since G really likes the characters in this game, she’s especially interested in the reward part. She learned on her own that she only has to enter an activity, then exit for it to register as having played an activity, She then goes to the reward area to see another video. Wash, rinse, repeat with the tenacity of a three year old.

I’m so proud.

BTW, interesting side note: Searching Google for “banana phone raffi” leads to some interesting results and that’s just the start. Now, I need to go apply drill to head as this song is stickier than that old favorite, “It’s a Small World” (and no, I’ll be kind and not link to anything; the suggestion was enough.)

cookie,
originally uploaded by sigsegv.

Grandma T sent G some cookies for Halloween.

Cootie

This past Sunday was G’s third birthday. We all had a good time and a nice party with friends and family. One of the (many) gifts she got was Cootie. It’s a fun game for three-year-olds. More fun for mommy and daddy, though, is what G calls the game: Booty.

Enjoy the rest and help while you can at the hospital and with your families around, because once you get home and it’s just the two of you staring down into that tiny, beautiful, precious little face, you are so in for it. I love being a dad, but until you’re in it, it’s just impossible to comprehend how completely it takes over your life. It’s like a freight train and your previous lives just got creamed.

There’s a lot I miss about my old, pre-G life, but I wouldn’t want to trade even one bit of what I have now for what it was like then. It’s amazingly hard work, but amazingly rewarding too. (I’m told that I might rethink that once G’s a teenager, but I’ll enjoy what we have now.) As G approaches three, I can honestly tell you, it just keeps getting better. (Apply above teenager disclaimer here too.)

These are my notes:

• Enjoy rest whenever and wherever you can
• Pay attention to signs of postpartum depression. From what I’ve read, a lot of women get this and try to hide it out of shame or fear of being seen as weak.
• You’ll get used to dirty diapers. Puke on the other hand…./me shivers
• There will be plenty of both.
• No matter how tough it seems — especially at the beginning, when it’s the middle of the night, the baby’s crying, but not eating and you’re both half-crazed from sleep deprivation — it will get better.
• Oh, and take lots of pictures.